The Missing Piece

Here it goes, the first serious post, which may only be lightly flavoured with sarcastic undertones.....although, one can never be certain.

I have found myself thinking a lot about life, and the roads that it seems to take. I have also recently taken up running, with much help from the encouragement of two of the best friends the world has to offer any lucky person. The running has seemed to do two things..... it gives me a lot of time alone with my thoughts, and also provides me the release of all of the frustrations that day has held. And as cathartic and therapeutic as it has all been, I have been running on a treadmill, essentially the road to nowhere. WHOA! This irony hit me like a ton of bricks today, as I have found myself, in life, at a bit of a standstill.

I am in a 'different' or 'unique' place at the moment in life. One in which I am finally over that huge hill of regaining my independence after what one can only call the heartache of a lifetime. In hindsight...it all really boils down to two very simple, and maybe cliche things, it just wasn't meant to be...and whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
I am me again, finally, and it feels amazing to be back. I have wonderful friends, newer and old, two of whom I have the pleasure of living with. My family is incredible, and I can honestly say are not my rock, but my insides... I have no idea what my life would be without them. I have a great job, which lately I seem to be only moderately excited about on good days. But that is a whole other ball of wax.....
And here is the kicker, the missing piece. For anyone on the inner circle or outer fringe of the teaching world, you have likely heard of the children's author and poet, Shel Silverstein. In an attempt to expose my seven and eight year old students to some light and airy poetry, I rounded up several of Silverstein's works from the school library. Little did I know that one would dig away at me until I decided to acknowledge it in a blog. And the title, The Missing Piece (how convenient!).

As the lonely circle, much like PacMan, rolls along life's road in this story in search of its missing piece, I found myself near tears. Was this me? How the hell could I completely relate to the thoughts of a line drawing of a circle? But I did, and I could.
It seems that this is the only major thing that I am lacking in my life, the missing piece. Being close before, I can appreciate that relationships, and love certainly do not come easy, so the effort or work required doesn't scare me in the least. However it is the waiting game, the sitting back and waiting for it to happen that is the most daunting of tasks at times. And this is where the standstill comes in. What do I do? What direction do I take, or do I continue to sit by optimistically waiting for it all to just magically fall into place, for my 'piece' to finally come to me? (Piece: you know who you are!)

So this is me....on the treadmill....and the thoughts that rarely are far from the foreground of my mind. I know in the end...the wait, and the roads, and the killing time on the treadmill, will have been worth it. Every minute, every step, every sore knee and ibuprofen will have been worth it. Because I know, that when the piece finally snaps into place it will be the incredible fit that I have always imagined it to be. So I continue to be patient...to wait...

Tonight I did my first run outside, an awesome run, a long run. I followed streets and turned corners, and charted my course back home. It may have been a colder and quieter journey than what I was used to...but ultimately, it feels as though I have made my way off of the road leading nowhere. Like I have some clarity. The piece will get here, eventually. It will just have to catch up with me somewhere along the road.